Jaune's Penis Can Cure Lesbians
by Troumvirate
Summary: A late entry for Freezerburn Week or whatever. Even though it isn't Freezerburn, it still works since the point of it was to shit all over Bumblebee. Don't lie. People are just finally being woken up to the fact that Blake is a shitty character, and the only people who like Bumblebee are lesbians who want to be able to identify with Yang, and don't care which girl she's with.
1. Yang

Let's face it. Blake's kind of a cunt.

Pour your heart out to a girl about your past, and your mother abandoning you? Fuck that, it's all about her instead! Her White Fang! Her sense of responsibility. You and your mother and your abandonment issues aren't important.

That was how Yang felt as she lay in bed in her room on Patch. She had lost her arm trying to defend that shitty kitty. The girl she had fallen in love with. She had never come out and admit it, but it was all there. The subtext of her and Blake's loving relationship was apparent for all to see, so long as their boners were large enough or their need to fulfill their lesbian wishes great enough.

Then what had she done? What had Blake, the girl who knew that Yang had abandonment issues done? She ran away. Abandoned the blonde in her time of greatest need as she struggled with the maiming of her arm. Blake is a textbook example of a person in a relationship who only takes and never gives. A selfish bitch through and through.

So depressed was Yang that she had even sent her own sister away. Her own loving sister who only wanted to make her smile. Weeks had passed since then, and she had rarely moved from her bed. The fire which had burned inside her for so long had gone out.

That was when she heard familiar voices outside. Voices she had not heard in so long. Friends from Beacon. The remains of Team JNPR. Minus one tall redhead, who had been scattered to the wind and using her nutrients to help grow plants or something.

She wished Weiss had been among them. Now that she was beginning to doubt her love for Blake, she was seeing Weiss in a whole new light. Weiss was someone she could see herself with. A perfect replacement for Blake. She was certain all of her friends would love to ship her with Weiss instead of Blake, given even the smallest opportunity to do so.

But instead of Weiss coming in, it was Jaune. A fellow blonde who had suffered a loss of his own. Where her own partner had run off to join the circus or whatever, Jaune's partner had died. So they were both feeling pretty shitty.

"Hey," the blonde boy said.

"Hey," the blonde girl said.

"Sucks about your partner."

"Sucks about your partner too."

Yang looked at her stump. It didn't even resemble an arm anymore. It was just kind of an elongated object with a rounded tip. Like a dildo. Or a penis.

Yang had never seen a penis before because she's a lesbian.

"Jaune," she said.

"Yeah?"

"Make me feel good."

"Okay."

So Jaune unzipped his pants and plowed Yang. And it was great. Way better than Blake. Because Blake is a selfish lover, just like she's a selfish person. Blake never got Yang off. Only ever herself. And any time Yang ever complained, Blake would play the "faunus card", talking about how oppressed she was. It always made Yang feel guilty. And it killed her sex drive.

But Jaune made her cum. His penis was wonderful. She wished that she had been screwing dicks this whole time instead of the pussy's pussy. Jaune's cock in particular was big. And he had a lot of stamina because of his aura or whatever. I'm just going to make shit up about aura as I go along like Roosterteeth does, so now it gives you increased sexual stamina. And because Jaune has a lot of aura, he's totally great at sex.

Yang felt wonderful. It was the greatest she had felt since Blake's ex-boyfriend had chopped off her arm. She should have just let him finish stabbing Blake the way he had been.

One thing was for certain though. Yang loved being stabbed... by Jaune's dick. She no longer desired Blake's cunt. She no longer desired any cunt. She was all about the cock now. She could not imagine going back to Blake. She was no longer a lesbian. She was Jaune's girl now. And she would let him slay her dragon every night.

"I really hope we don't make people angry by doing this," Jaune said.

"Let them get angry," Yang shrugged. "If they care then it'll be funny."

Jaune laughed.

Then Yang laughed.

Losers.

The end.


	2. Ilia

Life wasn't fair. It just wasn't!

Ilia had loved Blake way before Adam had. Before she had met Sun. Before she had met that bitch Yang too. So why, why did Blake love all of them and not her?

She wasn't evil. All she needed in life was a little bit of love. She thought that she could have found that in the White Fang. She had, in fact! Her lady bits burned with the desire of an animal in heat, because she was an animal. Or, well, half animal.

And because of that, since I'm such a clever and original writer, I'm going to make it so Ilia is in heat! Isn't that awesome? I'm not a closet furry at all! I'm not! It's not like the Faunus were made specifically so that large anime demographic could pop their own twisted boners to cat girls and bunny girls! No, you're just hating if you think that. You're intolerant. You're a big meanie pants.

In fact, _sniff_ , people like you need serious help if you're only goal in life is to shit on things that make others happy please get some & actually get a real life. Why did you write this? To troll? It sucks. Trying to get a rise out of shippers, but you seem to be the saltier that any shipper I've seen. I don't really understand why you want to piss off people so much, you're the one who seems to have a problem not the bumblebee shippers you hate so much.

Anyway, Ilia was having a bad day. She had failed miserably to capture Blake and send her back to Adam so that she could be subjected to all kinds of cruel torment by the man, despite the fact that all she ever wanted was for Blake to look at her in the same way she did to Adam. Worse still, she had been foiled by Sun. The monkey boy who was the absolute worst ninja and bodyguard ever because he announced his attack before launching it. It seemed like he had learned his lesson this time.

She sat alone in her room, awaiting judgment from the two fox fursona guys. The door opened, and much to her surprise it was not them who came in. It was a blonde boy, but not the same blonde boy who was one of Blake's four love interests. No, this boy was a stranger.

"Who are you?" Ilia asked, her skin turning red in anger.

The boy held his hands up in the air to show he was no threat. "My name is Jaune," he said softly. "I'm here to help you."

"How did you get here?"

"Raven's portal."

"Who?"

"Don't worry about it. It and her are unimportant to the story. Just like the real one."

"What do you want?"

"I want... to fix you."

Ilia was confused. She didn't know what he meant by that. She wasn't broken. Sure, she might be broken soon if the fursona twins decided to blow her up for her failure or something. But right now the only thing that was wrong with her was that she was extremely horny after her latest encounter with Blake, her one true love.

"I don't need fixing," she protested.

"Oh but you do," Jaune expositioned. "You're a gay character. And you're evil. Clearly this is part of Roosterteeth's dastardly plan to insult the LGBT community by turning the only gay representation in the show into a murderous villain. Like, haven't you ever seen The Maltese Falcon? Joel Cairo was the stereotypical representation of a homosexual, who was a direct foil of Sam Spade's heroic masculinity. And he was a bad guy. So are you, Ilia. You're an evil homosexual who needs help."

Ilia angsted over Jaune's words. Certainly that couldn't be true, could it? Surely he was reading too deeply into things. No one would ever connect her actions for the White Fang to the fact that she was a total dyke. Like, Siena Khan was dead now, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she had dark skin. Nobody would ever make that kind of connection, would they?

"So what?" Ilia asked. "I have a lot more aspects to me besides being a lesbian. I'm a deep character. I'm better than Blake!"

"You are," Jaune agreed. "But the connection will always remain. You're a gay bad guy. There's only one way to fix that. I must cure you."

So Jaune dropped his pants and proceeded to rock Ilia's world. It was like nothing she had ever before experienced. She could feel her homosexuality evaporating with every thrust of the knight's lance. She was becoming good. Kind. No longer wanting to blow people up and enslave humanity. No, it was she who wanted to be enslaved now. Enslaved to Jaune's bed so that he may cure her again every night after this one.

Ilia lay in bed next to him, her skin a healthy shade of light pink. Her jealousy over Blake and Adam was gone. All that remained was her love for Jaune and his penis.

"You're too good for this show," Jaune told her.

Ilia nodded. She was. She really was.

The end.


	3. Emerald

Emerald sat in her room alone, lamenting her lack of dialogue or relevance to the plot. She remembered the good old days. The days where she had been at Beacon Academy. Where she got to interact with the protagonists. She had hated them back then, but now she longed to hear Ruby's increasingly retarded high pitched voice. She longed to hear Yang make one of her extremely rare puns which people seem to think she says every other line. She longed to see Weiss' flat chest. And she longed to see Blake munching down on some tuna.

It was those last two in particular that Emerald enjoyed the most. She liked imagining Weiss' chest, small and non-existent as it may be. And she liked the idea of Blake lapping up that... tuna like a good kitty. That's because Emerald is a total dyke. It's super obvious. How have you not realized it? You fucking morons.

Cinder was her everything. She had saved the thief from a life in the gutter, even though she had a semblance which apparently allowed her to steal expensive jewelry right under a shop keep's nose. You'd think someone with that kind of power and absolutely no problem with stealing would be a fucking millionaire, wouldn't you? Rob a bank. Steal a ton of precious jewelry. Something. Anything. And we're supposed to believe Emerald is some poor street rat? Give me a break.

But let's ignore all that. Because Cinder s _aved_ Emerald. That's right. Cinder was Emerald's _only hope_ to live a better life. Emerald could do and be _absolutely nothing_ without Cinder. And therefore, Emerald loved that monotone bitch. Like, loved x 2 her. In a way that wasn't like friends or sisters. In the sexual way. In the "scissor me timbers" way. In the "let's share a double-headed dildo" kind of way.

Truly any kind of physical contact with Cinder was okay with her. Just as long as the black haired bore touched her. Cinder liked to hit her. Cinder liked to tell her to know her place. That's because Cinder loved her. It was okay. It was just Cinder's way of showing affection.

Furthermore it was just fine because Cinder is a woman. And she's hot. Therefore trying to injure or kill someone was just fine. They could still be in love. I'm looking at you, Baked Alaska fans. Fucking retards.

If it had been a male character hitting a woman, then he'd deserve to die. Like Adam. Adam's the worst person in the history of ever for slapping Blake. Did you know that people are more triggered by the fact that he bitch slapped Blake than they are him stabbing her with his sword?

Anyway, the point is that it's okay that Cinder is abusive to Emerald because she's a chick. And hot. That just means they can have lesbian sex later on in all the reader's minds.

Where was I going with this story again? Fuck, I don't know. It was never supposed to go this far. But then Ilia came out of the closet and I was all, "Fuck. I have a golden opportunity here for a chapter 2." Now apparently you people want me to do this for every fucking girl in RWBY. Or at least the lesbian ones. Which according to some circles of the fandom is literally every girl. Because remember, every character is bisexual until they're proven straight. And yes, I am being serious. There are people who think like this. Try to wrap your mind around that.

I suppose I should introduce Jaune at this point. You want to see me lazily write about him screwing Emerald, don't you? I still can't believe some of you out there don't get it. You don't fucking get it. You expect this to be an actual lemon. You expect me to write explicit sex scenes. I fucking hate all of you.

Jaune came into the room, surprising Emerald. What was this scrawny weakling doing in Salem's realm? How did he get here? And what did he want?

"Hey," she called out. "What's a scrawny weakling doing in Salem's realm? How did you get here? And what do you want?"

The blonde haired boy removed his belts, allowing his sheathed sword to clatter to the ground. Maybe he was trying to show he was no threat to the girl. It did little to put her at ease, however. There were still far too many unanswered questions in her mind.

"Emerald, I'm here for you," he said cryptically.

The girl dropped into a fighting stance, more than confident she could take him in hand to hand combat even without her weapons. "Oh yeah? Bring it on."

Jaune shook his head. "No. Not to fight."

Her red eyes narrowed on him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He reached out with his hand, prompting Emerald to take a step back. What was he doing? What was his game plan here?

"I'm not here to hurt you," he told her. "Only help you."

Emerald scowled at the stupid _man_. "I don't need your help. I have Cinder for everything I need in life. Including everything sexual. I do not need a penis."

"Emerald, you poor, poor character. You have been affected worst of all by this ridiculously stupid fanbase. Not only are you a "lesbian", but you are also "black". Combined with being evil, you are the epitome of the ammunition that tumblr needs to scream their heads off about how racist and homophobic Roosterteeth is."

No. That wasn't true at all. It wasn't as if Remnant discriminated against skin color. That's what the furries were for! Jaune was speaking nonsense. There was no way anyone could ever get offended for a dark skinned character in RWBY being evil, right? Or killing them off. Right? No. The fanbase could not possibly be that stupid.

"You're lying!" she screamed.

"I'm not lying," he said. It looked as if there had been an ulterior motive to Jaune removing his belts, and his pants slipped away soon afterward. "But in any case. You must be cured."

The sight of Jaune's penis was breathtaking. Mindblowing. Wow. She had never seen such a magnificent penis before. His penis was of considerable size, and now beads of sweat slowly ran down his penis, making it glisten like a strong swimmer, fresh from out of the pool. It was a fantastic penis, that seemed as strong as a horse's leg, yet as delicate as a flower wrapped in silk. What a grand, grand penis.

It was too much for Emerald to bear. Fuck Cinder. And not literally as she so often did. Metaphorically. As in, she did not desire that cunt's cunt anymore. All she wanted was Jaune's penis.

"Take me, you blonde bastard."

And he did. He fucked the shit out of her. Not literally again, since Emerald didn't do butt stuff. But it was so good that the thief could never imagine going back to Cinder. She howled that night like a Beowolf.

Jaune took out his scroll and opened up a file. He crossed another name off his list.

"Who's next?" he wondered. WOW THAT'S SO META!

The end.


	4. Vernal

_My name is Jaune Arc, and I am the straightest man alive. When I was a child I saw my mother get fucked by something impossible. My father was cucked by a lesbian. Then my semblance awoke to make me into something impossible. To the outside world I'm just an ordinary huntsman, but secretly I use my semblance to cure lesbians around the world. And one day I'll find the lesbian who fucked my mother and get justice for my father. I am The Cure._

* * *

Vernal was sitting at the bandit camp doing whatever it was bandits did in their free time like counting booty or sharpening knives. She was glad that she had such a long and full life ahead of her. Sure, her weapons may have looked more like Jack Atlas' motorcycle from Yugioh 5Ds than anything threatening, but she was cool. She had a cool design. Cool tattoos. Like Taiyang. That's why she was able to talk so much shit to the main cast and get away with it. If you have cool tattoos you can verbally bitch slap Yang and Weiss.

She was busy banditing around when a gust of wind came out of nowhere and Raven's portal appeared. That was odd. What was going on?

She saw a tall blonde boy step out of it who wasn't Raven's former lover. Or was he? Maybe some stupid time travel shit was involved here and this was a young Taiyang. Oh fuck me, I could totally bullshit my way through something like that after parodying The Flash's intro in the prologue. This is literally just some stream of consciousness shit that I'm writing down right now. You have no idea. Neither do I. I'm just writing for the sake of writing right now and seeing how far I can go. I don't think any of it will even be funny. So I guess I should get back to the "plot" right? Yeah. This super deep and intriguing plot about Jaune curing lesbians. That's why you're here.

Whatever. Here's an Arrow reference for you now.

"Vernal Whatsherface!" Jaune pointed accusingly. "You have failed this city!"

The not spring maiden stood up ready to face the challenge. "And who are you supposed to be?"

"I am Jaune Arc. And I am the dyke whisperer."

"Okay. So what does that have to do with me?"

"Look in the mirror, Vernal. You're the biggest lesbian in all of RWBY. That butch haircut. Your strong and confident attitude. You're a total dyke. You know it and I know it."

Vernal felt as triggered as a tumblrina who had just been scolded for eating an entire cake single-handedly. "Excuse me? I am not a lesbian. Why would you ever assume such a thing?"

Jaune pointed at her. "Your hair. The fact that you're very close with Raven. You're obviously lovers."

"That's retarded and so is anyone who thinks so. Next thing you know people will start saying Coco and Velvet, or Raven and Summer are lesbian couples just because they're two females associated with each other."

Jaune looked at her like she was the biggest idiot in all of Remnant. And considering the company she shares, such as Ozpin, that's quite an amazing feat.

"Well either way I'm not a lesbian!"

"Of course you are. This is the 'muh representation' volume of RWBY where everyone has come out of the closet and admitted their totally obvious gay feelings for one another. Like Ilia. Or Yang. Or Ren. If you're not gay, then my semblance isn't healing."

"Look, you can't just go around assuming everyone's a lesbian because you're horny. That would be just as bad as assuming everyone wanted your cock because you're a male protagonist character."

"So... you're not gay?"

"No. And assuming I am just because of how I look is insulting to not only lesbians, but women everywhere."

So Jaune and Vernal has a nice long talk about stereotyping and projecting your fantasies onto fictional cartoon characters. He hadn't felt this bad since the time he had accidentally gotten Nora pregnant. And not even because she was a lesbian either. But that's another story for another time.

So Vernal set Jaune straight. No pun intended. "Golly gee, Miss Vernal. I sure am sorry," he said as the propeller on his bright red baseball cap spun sadly. "I shouldn't assume every woman I see is a lesbian because it's degrading to lesbians and straight women alike. Boy do I feel like a heel."

"It''s okay Jaune. As long as you've leaned your lesson."

"And how!" He exclaimed. "Say, do ya think Joltin' Joe will get another one today?"

The date was July 16, 1941, and Joe DiMaggio has hit safely in 55 consecutive games. Another hit today would extend his record to 56. To a young tyke like Jaune checking the box scores in the sports section of the newspaper was the highlight of his day.

"I'm not sure," Vernal said as she ruffled his hair. "Now run along. If you're good maybe I'll get you one of those Davey Crockett coon skin caps you've been bugging your mother about."

"Really?" Jaune asked hopefully. He Anakin Skywalkeredly pumped his fist into the air as he left. "Woo hoo! Yippee!"

Vernal shook her head amusedly as he left. What a little rascal.

She was glad he left. Now she could go suck Shay D. Mann's dick in peace.

The end.


	5. Raven

A dark tent of darkness sat in the middle of a trailer park. Or at least that's what it looked like. Seriously, Raven abandoned civilization to live in that shithole? I'm surprised there weren't legitimately a bunch of fat rednecks in wifebeaters sitting around drinking beer watching the Remnant equivalent of Jerry Springer or something. You'd think that a bunch of people who spent their lives looting and robbing others would be a lot better off than the Branwen tribe. Especially if one of them had the power to basically destroy the city of Mistral by herself.

Anyway. Raven was sitting in her tent angry over the fact that she had been defeated by her own daughter. But moreover, Vernal was dead now. That sucked. How was she going to get off now?

The flap of her tent flung open, and an all too familiar man made his presence known. She did not even have to turn to know who it was.

"What is thy bidding, my master?"

It was Jaune Arc. The Dyke Whisperer. The Turner of Lesbians. The Breaker of Ships. The Ungayed. He was The Cure.

He was her own personal servant in a private war against all things lesbian.

"How did your most recent mission go?" the raven-haired Raven crowed.

"As it turned out, Vernal was not actually a lesbian. She sent me on my way after a nice long talk."

Raven hummed. No wonder the younger woman had resisted her advances at every turn. At first Raven just thought it was because she was a middle-aged and used up old hag who had already shat out one kid, so her snatch was about as loose as Jared Fogle's pants after going on the Subway diet. Her tits were lower than a leprechaun's nutsack. Who would ever want Raven over all the other hot teenage chicks in RWBY?

Oh well. It didn't matter now. Vernal was dead. How exactly Jaune managed to do that in the timeline? I don't fucking know. And neither should you. You're not here for consistency.

"I see." Raven turned to face her champion of straightness. "Then the time has come to cure the next target." Producing a photograph, she handed it to Jaune. "Velvet Scarlatina is often thought to be a lesbian, and is constantly paired with her teammate, Coco Adel, for abso-fucking-lutely no reason. Your mission is to find this girl and fuck her adorable bunny brains out."

Jaune nodded before kneeling before her. "As you wish, my master."

"Good. Now go off and rid this miserable world of another dirty, lying lesbian."

Raven had reason to be angry at lesbians. She had loved Summer Rose, after all. Don't you get it? They were on the same team. That means they were in wuv. Two girls cannot possibly interact with each other without falling in love. Never mind the fact that she fucked Tai and had his kid. Never mind the fact that all you people for some reason love to ship Summer with Qrow because he deserves love because he's Mr. Edgy McEdgelord OOHHH HE'S GOT BAD LUCK WHAT A POOR GUY WAAAAH HE'S LIKE MY OWN DRUNK UNCLE WHO TOUCHED ME WHEN I WAS LITTLE!

Nope. Raven and Summer are totally gay for each other. Just like Velvet and Coco. Just like Ruby and Weiss. Just like Blake and Yang.

Therefore all lesbians had to be exterminated. If Raven could not be with her one true love, then no lesbians anywhere could exist. She would destroy them all so that none of them could be happy. Confused? Her motivations and actions not syncing up? Guess what? That makes me just as good at writing as CRWBY after the Hazel debacle.

Fucking hire me, Rooster Teeth.

Raven was stewing in her bitterness when Jaune stopped at the tent's exit. "Raven. I sense a disturbance in the plot."

"Huh?"

He turned to look at her. "You... you have lesbian feelings for someone."

She shook her head. "Nuh uh."

Jaune took a step toward her. "You forget, this is my semblance. Your thoughts betray you, Raven. I feel the gay in you. The conflict."

"There is no conflict."

"If that is true, then fuck me."

Raven gasped. "What?"

Jaune began stripping down. "If you are straight, then there is no way you can resist me and the twelve inch John Holmes sausage between my legs. I am not just the Curer of Lesbians. I am Jaune Arc. The Harem Master. The Self Insert. The fucker of every woman under the sun. If you do not submit to me... you can only be a lesbian yourself."

Raven's teeth clenched. She had been found out. Raven was the gayest character in all of RWBY. Even gayer than Ilia somehow. And that's fucking canon! So Raven has to be doing some serious muff diving.

She was about to use her super cool Maiden powers when she felt a strong set of hands grab her. "Jaune what are you doing!"

"Shhh," he whispered. "It's okay, Raven. Let me cure you. You'll feel better after this."

He bent her over the table and lifted up her stylish skirt that this forty year old hardcore bandit tribe leader wore for some reason.

And for the first time in give or take 19 whole years, Raven was fucked by a man.

And it was fucking amazing.

It was like Taiyang on steroids. Jaune's cock nearly split her in two, but she loved every minute of it. As she lay in bed next to him, she could feel happiness returning to her body and mind.

All of her anger and bitterness disappeared. She didn't want to lead a backwoods bandit tribe anymore. She didn't want to plunder booty. No, the only booty she wanted now was Jaune's. And she wanted him to plunder her own booty.

"So. Shall we continue with the Velvet plan?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. But... only after we go another round."

Jaune was more than happy to oblige.


	6. Terra

This is how the war begins. All wings engage. Interceptors 3 and 4 take bogies two o'clock angel six. QUACK! Do you see that? I see it. This is not a skirmish. This is not air space confusion. This is not a terrorist action. This is it. The Union's making their play.

Dum de deet, dum de doot.

I just love low hanging fruit.

The city of Argus. A thinly veiled knockoff of San Francisco where the weather is cold and the cunts are colder. And with it being as fabulous a place as San Francisco, the opportunity was ripe for some...

 _ **R-E-P-R-E-S-E-N-T-A-T-I-O-N**_

So we finally met another member of the Arc family. And she was totally **GAY!**

 **WHAT A TWIST!**

And you know what that means, right? You know? You fucking know!

Time to update this shitty little story! Oh I know you want it. I can tell how badly you want it. "Look, Troumvirate! Another gay character! You know what you gotta do now, right?"

Yeah. I know what I have to do.

Jaune Arc was in the living room of his sister's house. It was fabulous, decorated as prettily as you'd expect for a gay couple. But then again aren't lesbians supposed to be butch? Saphron and Terra are not a good representation of a lesbian couple. They're like, pornstar lesbian levels of attractive. And that's not accurate at all. Lesbians in the real world aren't hot. Sorry, they aren't.

So this is just proof that representation in RWBY isn't supposed to be realistic or accurate. It's all about getting off to two attractive women fucking. Checkmate, shippers.

Anyway, it was late, and Jaune was the only one still up. Little did everyone in the home know, but he was a double agent. He had been sent by Raven to take out another confirmed lesbian. Remember how I set up Velvet in the last chapter? Well, much like Rooster Teeth, I've decided to ignore what I've built up in the past in favor of something spontaneous and instantly gratifying.

Looking at you, Maidens.

Terra walked into the room wearing her pajamas. "You're up late, Jaune," she commented. "Trouble sleeping?"

Oh he wouldn't be the only one who would have trouble sleeping tonight. He stood up, eyes locked onto his sister in law's. "Terra. I've come for you."

"Funny, your sister said that to me last night too."

Jaune tried to push the sexual imagery of his sister out of his mind. Lesbian or not, that was a line he didn't want to cross... or did he?

That's for the fans to decide.

"Terra, your lesbianism is obvious for all to see. Your display of handholding was sickening. How dare you sully such a great show with your debauchery!"

"Lesbian? I'm not a lesbian."

Jaune looked at her as if she had just admitted to being the head writer of volume 5. "What the fuck are you talking about? How are you going to say that you of all people are not a lesbian."

"Because I'm not. I'm bisexual."

Jaune dot dot dotted. "Huh?"

"All characters are bisexual until proven otherwise, remember?" Terra reminded him. "Even though girls like Weiss and Yang have shown romantic interest in men, they've never been confirmed to be heterosexual. Therefore cunts are still on the table for them."

Jaune nodded in agreement. "Yes. Of course. This is the way of RWBY. Everyone's bisexual unless explicitly stated otherwise like Ilia. That's why fucking her was so great."

"The same is true for me," Terra said. "Just because I'm canonically in a relationship with another woman doesn't mean I also don't enjoy a penis from time to time."

This time Jaune shook his head wildly. "No! It doesn't work that way! It only works with turning straight characters into gay ones! You can't do it in reverse! That's... that's like whitewashing! It's fine if you turn Ironman into a black teenage girl, but FUCK YOU IF YOU TURN A MINORITY INTO A WHITE PERSON!"

"Jaune. It has to go both ways. If you want everyone to be bisexual, it has to go for characters who are shown to be in same-sex relationships too."

"But if you're not a lesbian how can I cure you?"

"The answer is very simple, actually. Why don't I-"

The end.

This story is being cancelled. All focus will be diverted to Gen:Lock fan fiction.

So bye, bye Are Double You Bee Why,

Tried to double dip with ships by making everyone bi,

And them good old shippers whine and bitch and cry,

It's because of you that RWBY will die,

'Cause of you that RWBY will die...


End file.
